WomenCo.

I don't have kids but I have strong opinions on this subject.

My parents never rewarded me with money for getting good grades. Academic achievement was something that was not only expected of me (after all, kids don't have that many responsibilities -- doing your homework and achieving at school is one of very, very few!), but something that was presented to me as something I should want -- the rewards being personal success and growth, pure and simple.

I really don't agree with the idea of rewarding children monetarily for something they should simply want and expect of and for themselves. Kids ought to be taught to appreciate learning for learning's sake.

Every now and then - for example, when I was named valedictorian, or won a special academic award - we'd go out and celebrate with a nice dinner or something of that sort. But I never received a single cent for being a good student, and I'm glad that was the case.

In fact, I believe the reason I was such a high-achiever in school was because doing well in school was not really presented as an option -- instead, it was a value instilled in me.

We didn't give money for good grades, as mentioned earlier, we also expected the kids to do their best..  We did try to celebrate report cards  by going out to dinner, kids choice;  and very often we would buy them books.   We tried, not to dwell on grades that were not where they could have been (my husband is a thousand times better at this than I am), and tried to end the "report card" discussion on a positive note by focusing back on the subjects they did well in.

I personally don't think a child should be rewarded for Good Grades. They should always be encouraged and commended but not rewarded. Getting good grades is what they are supposed to do...well let me rephrase that, doing their best is what they are supposed to do, and if good grades are a result of that, wonderful.

I try to point these characteristics out  in the people that my kids admire or think do "cool" things in their lives.  For instance my daughter interested in travel and design.  When she sees or reads about something that a person has done that she would like to do one day, we talk about it.  That they must have done really good in school to get in to the college they went to. And they studied hard when they were there so that they were at the top of their game.  Etc.... I point out how difficult it would be to have the opporunities that these people have, if they hadn't worked so hard to take advantage of every opportunity that came their way. We focus alot of conversations and though on where my kids want to go in their lives, and what it takes to get there.  Doing good in school is the natural first step.

Depends, if its a class the kid is struggling with and they achieve a good grade for putting in the hard work then YES!  I myself am dyslexic and had a terrible time in both math and english.  My grandma and mom would award me if I got an A (very rare in these classes) nothing big, a trip to the bookstore, or maybe ice cream.  Now in college if I work hard on a project and give it my all (even if I fail in the final design) my husband recognizes the hours and the time and the effort and will take me out to dinner if it was a win and console me with a movie if it is a failure.  But the gist of it is, the ATTENTION, kids need to know you acknowledge their achievements and understand their failures, even if they worked hard and still could not achieve the goal, knowing that YOU know they tried, gave it their all, is all they are looking for!

I've read all that each of you have to say, and I have noticed one thing: you haven't yet had the perspective of an actual student.

At the moment, I'm in high school. I remember, in seventh grade, my mom offered to pay me for my report card. Of course, I didn't get any source of money back then. She offered me 10 dollars for every A, 5 for every B, none for a C, 5 away from the total for a D, and I lose all the money if I get an F in anything. If, however, I got straight As, she would give me one hundred dollars. I was excited, and I got straight As all that year.

The next year, eighth grade, we fell on a bit of hard times. We had trouble with child support and my mom's job, and so she couldn't pay me that year. I lost interest in doing well -- after all, middle school doesn't count towards college. Because I'm the kind of person that's naturally smart, me "not trying" only brought my grades down to Bs, but it frustrated my mom. Every parent-teacher conference, she was told that I could do "so much better" and that I just wasn't trying.

In ninth grade, she started paying me again, and my grades shot back up to straight As. I just finished sophomore year with 7 As and one B+ in AP Biology, the only AP class offered to sophomores in my school. During this year, she wasn't sure whether or not she could afford the same system we had before, so I was never sure if I was getting money for my report card or not. But the money motivated me, it made me want to work. And when I became motivated and worked hard for a few years, it became habit and now not getting straight As is something that doesn't happen often. I just happen to hate Biology, haha.

I wouldn't be so quick to write off money, if I were all of you. It's not something that you carry on all throughout their school lives, but giving a child money when they're in elementary or middle school will motivate them, creating habits that can carry on throughout high school. If I wasn't motivated, then I wouldn't be working for good grades now.

Money didn't ruin me at all. I absolutely love learning. I plan on going to MIT for college, I am going to be tested for Mensa on July 16th, and I was ranked 15th in my class this year. And I was paid for my report cards, and that helped me. It motivated me. My older sister does not get the stellar grades that I do. She was hurt badly by the "expect good grades of your children" approach. My mom asks her about her grades, she tell mom that she physically cannot get straight As. My mom yells at her for the C in Algebra, which turned into a C in Chemistry, which turned into a D in Religion. That approach made her think so lowly of herself, she hides on report card day. She doesn't want my mom "expecting" anything from her, because she can't deliver.

Sorry I went on for so long about this topic, but most message boards I post on have a character limit, and I'm not used to being able to talk for so long. Thanks for reading it anyway (that is, if you did).

Quelquefois, interesting that I may have been rewarding my son financially for grades too early.....I will consider.  I also think he needs rewards more frequently than every trimester.  I already give him a bonus for "extra" chores around the house.  That seems to work, but it's on a weekly basis, so the frequency may contribute to the impetus.  Interesting that you have been motivated by financial reward.  It doesn't seem to have that impact on my son...as you say, perhaps too early.

LauraS, maybe you and Q have a point regarding the specific reward but video games cost so much!!!!!  Especially new ones.  We buy them for my son via Ebay.   By the way, approximately how old is your son? 

Thanks for your comments.  I appreciate anyone else's ideas on alternative incentives!

I do give my children rewards and money, but it is only when they go above and beyond what their primary responsibilities are.  If they get a reward for something,  if they help with something without being asked.  If they take on a big chore.  They are going out into the world where they are not going to be rewarded for taking care of basic daily responsibilities.  That is not real life.  Applying yourself and working hard and doing proving yourself will.  Paying my kids to get good grades may work, but I would rather them find that drive in themselves, the personal satisfaction, before they leave home, because noone will be rewarding them then. 

Laura, if my mom gave me manga, I would be so surprised (in a good way, of course). I would rather go to Border's and pick out three or four manga books than even get $100, and that would save my mom forty dollars!

It all depends on what your child likes though.  I myself was motivated by money simply because I was always the saving type, and I just liked the knowledge that I had money should I ever need it. I kept a running total with my mom on how much money I had with her, but I never spent it, so it didn't really hurt my mom any to give me money.  And our family isn't really rich, so my mom would do little things that seemed expensive to me ("A whole 20 dollars?!) but really, they weren't. I especially liked board games when I was younger, and I still do. We played cribbage, and Scrabble, and Trivial Pursuit, and Yahtzee. I like Yahtzee the best, because it has the least cleanup. =]

Quelquefoise- Believe it or not Manga/Anime/Furba is B-I-G in our house and my uncles (my cousins mom is from Indonesia  his cousins are from Indonesia/China/Japan so its a not a surprise).  I had them growing up along with comic books (thanks to my uncle), my cousin has some too, but then again it depends on the CULTURE you were raised in.  Many a people who do not know manga or my fav Furba would raise an eyebrow at them but because I was exposed early so it became no big deal in my cousin's eyes for the same reason(although he must shut it off when a few friends come over because their moms have a problem with it ESPECIALLY if it is in a different language like Godzilla which to me is stupid the special effects are mediocre at best).  Anime is a normal fixture in my cousins life, he loves anything done by Hayao Miyazaki and others along that line.  He has seen ninja scroll, Cowboy Bebbop and others and finds them entertaining, he does not really 'get' some of it but it has explosions and pretty girls so what is not to love huh?  If you make too much of a big deal about the nudity (goddess/badchicks/goodchicks are ALWAYS scantily clad or naked), or an occasional flash then you are pointing it out as 'naughty' and that he will pick up on.  Its like cuss words, if once in a while he says 'damn' we don't go off the deep end we merely ignore it or the next time I wanna say damn I say 'darn' and he starts using that instead.  Making a big deal out of your kids saying something YOU YOURSELF USE is to me retarded and will only make him use it more since its again 'naughty' and it also gets the shock value from you and once again doing what they want PAYING ATTENTION TO THEM!

Quelquefois- MY cousin Loves Inu Yasha and Oh My Goddess!  I love Fruits Basket, Chobits, Love HIna, Tenchi Miyu! and my husband is all about the animated versions of Riddick and Matrix.  Totally away from that I love Invader Zim (was so sad they took it off air!)

I believe that children need to know how important good grades are and how we go about that is gonna depend on our kid(s).  Most importantly talking to them should come first.  I think it is like any other reinforced behavior. I usually let my son pick something out for doing good in school. As of late it always seems to be a game for one of his many game systems. School is a kids "job" if you will and as parents when we do something well at work we are usually acknowledged for it some how. So, why not reward our kids for good grades?

I really appreciate the time and thought that everyone has put into their posting.

So far, what I've learned from the collective comments, is that my son is not motivated to achieve in school by money given at the end of a trimester. 

I don't know what I'm going to do when report card time comes around but I am going to give him non-monetary rewards (such as my time and attention on a particular activity that he enjoys) more frequently.  I'm going to focus his attention on the fact that education is something that does not give immediate gratification.  And point out that the life style which adults have is largely determined by their careers which are often a by-product of their education and academic achievement.  

I'm going to invoke the old, "When you're my age, this will make more sense to you, but for now, you've got to believe me because you know I love you and want the best for you" routine.

Thanks again.